Love. Specifically romantic love. If you’re happily fulfilled in a committed relationship please pass this message on to a single friend. It will save them a lot of fruitless searching.

Full Disclosure. I too desire to connect with the woman who was made for me and me for her. But, even though I use online dating sites, I’m no longer searching for her. I tried that for years with spotty success. My divorce was final 20 years ago and since then I’ve had five meaningful relationships all with wonderful women, each of whom was a partial fit for me but not ideal. Most importantly, I now understand why.

Instead my daily practice is: using a soulmate meditation, visualizing the love I desire as if it’s already present, using a Sanskrit chanting love meditation, following my intuition and increasing my self-love so that I am worthy of the deeply connecting love I desire.

I’m no longer seeking and not finding the love I desire. I am energetically calling it in.

Funny, as primarily a business startup coach, I really argued with my intuition when it suggested that I write about finding love that’s a fit for who you are. Really, I’ve experienced so much bizarre behavior that I’m pretty sure that I could write a powerful standup comedy routine.

But I’ve learned not to fight my own wisdom so what you’re reading is part one. Although far from complete, today I’ll share some thoughts on what I see women doing online that’s never going to work. (I’m sure guys make these errors as well but I only peruse female profiles.)

Five Big Mistakes that get in the way of Attracting Authentic Love.

1. Believing in Scarcity not Abundance. I’ve seen many different versions of this headline. Are there any good men left? Where are all the good men? Those who question the presence of good men don’t believe they’re available in abundant supply. That’s obviously not true. Yet it’s what these ladies broadcast so they continually only attract “bad” men for them.
2. Lack of Depth and/or Commitment. So many ladies give the excuse that it’s hard to write about themselves, so they don’t give you a window into their beliefs or personality and rely on photos alone to attract. Or worse they promise to complete the profile later and do not. Despite what some say about us guys, we desire more than physical beauty.
3. What’s Chased, Runs. You’re likely aware of this sometimes-hard-to-understand energetic principle. Persistence may work in sales but in matters of the heart it just feels creepy. Being love-struck is no excuse. Recently a brand new Facebook stranger, immediately after I accepted her friendship request, instant messaged me 30 photos of herself along with 40 heart emojis! Even if she met my requirements I’d shy away from this craziness.
4. Not Knowing What You Want. This is amazingly prevalent in so many ways and it just shows laziness and a lack of internal reflection. Some say things like. “I don’t know what I want but I’ll know it when I see it.” Or in what they’re looking for they check every option. How can the same woman possibly be looking for marriage, a long term relationship, casual dating and hookups? these intentions will only attract guys who don’t know what they want. Unless you clearly know exactly what you desire, you’ll likely never receive it. That includes knowing your must-have, non-negotiable requirements.
5. Photo Inadequacy. Yes, desirable physical appearance is an essential component of mutual chemistry. It’s not the only factor but it is an essential one. If that’s the case why do so many women not even share a photo. Do they really think that the remainder of their profile will carry the day? Then there are those who share four photos of themselves all wearing sunglasses. That tells me that the window to her soul is unavailable. Now you can find many who show themselves wearing a mask. Imagine what that says about hiding themselves. Many make the mistake of showing only long distance shots and no closeups. Others do the opposite and show only closeups. Then many show photos of what they looked like 5, 10 or more years ago.

There are many more mistakes that decrease the probability of finding love that’s an authentic fit for who you are. And fit is everything.

My intuition says that I ought to offer a small group training on Attracting Authentic Love that Fits Who You are. It will be far more than effective profile writing. We’ll do a deep dive into the energy of attraction. If this interests you then reply here with your name the word LOVE.

If you’ve been forwarded this message subscribe to get a moving spiritual fitness guide and weekly wisdom here. And if you know someone who this understanding would benefit pass it along; they’ll love you for it.