Self-judgment is the most energy-draining, pervasive habit in existence. Everything we think, say, and do that feels even a little off is our invitation to go within.

What triggers you exists to awaken you. Within is the only source of your truth. When I say within I mean examining the reasons beneath your conflicts.

We’ve co-created a sick society where it’s normal to hear and accept pronouncements like. “I don’t want to talk about it.” But avoidance is soul-sucking resistance and resistance never works.

To varying degrees we all fall prey to the foolishness of self-judgment. If you’re attuned to it you’ll hear it everywhere.

Recently I was talking with an overweight young man at my gym. Since I’ve shared my past struggles with obesity he’ll finish a set, look at me and disgustedly say. “I’m so fucking fat.” I’ll respond with encouragement while coaching him on the power of language. When I shared how absurd self-judgment truly is. Immediately he bragged. “I’m really good at that.”

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Even the wisdom of aging doesn’t awaken us to this treacherous habit. I play pickleball with a delightful group of seniors many of whom judge themselves harshly for poor shots. To make matters worse these improving players when complimented on a good shot often claim that it was an accident.

That’s a double whammy of self-disgust that our culture perpetuates. We under-emphasize blessings while accentuating shortcomings.

It’s vitally important to be aware of and change our negativities. To release them we need to own them but it’s even more important to realize this. Damaging self-thought and talk is not indicative of who you really are.

Unfortunately that’s not how we often think of ourselves is it? There’s not a person alive that at sometime didn’t think themselves to be essentially lacking or damaged.

It’s just not true. You are a brilliant, magnificent being but you can only see your brilliance through the lens of self-responsibility.

Emphasizing negative energies while under-appreciating positive ones has an overriding destructive effect on our entire lives.

Being aware of this self-damage is the first step. Awareness helps us to realize that this self-created mess although long-standing, is temporary and can be changed.

What most of us don’t initially grasp is that the stuff we can see is only the tip of this insidious iceberg. Deep within are many more hidden misconceptions that are influencing the quality of our lives.

Since these unconscious energies are unseen the only way we can become aware of them is via unsettling feelings. But since the pain of these feelings was too much to bear as children we assumed that the only thing to do was to avoid them or numb them.

Thus the vicious cycle continues. Like an addict who needs increasing amounts of a substance to reach the same euphoric feeling — the intensity and frequency of these darker energies keep increasing until we awaken and give them their due. So the only true way out is within.

Some might wonder why I seldom write about the upside of life. Lately I’ve been concentrating on messier issues because reflecting solely on the rosier side of life just doesn’t get us anywhere.

I know it’s more popular to imagine spiritual bliss but most of us can’t hold a joyful vision long enough to manifest one. I know I couldn’t.

Here’s why I really write about these deeper issues. Marketing experts recommend writing only about the what so that readers have to hire us to get the how to. That’s not my style. I’d rather write about deeper truths in the hope that something I say will inspire you to awaken further. That is my sacred contribution to humanity.

I take this stance because I know that on a soul level we’re all connected. So when I withhold from you, I’m also withholding from myself and withholding is separation plain and simple.

We either stand for the truth of connection and inclusion or like most of our political leaders we stand for the untruth of exclusion and separation. Love cannot develop within the energy of separation.

The wonderful thing about how life really works is that everything is happening for you. Believe me, I tried for years to find my bliss by taking an easier path. But I’ve learned the hard way that there are no shortcuts to lasting self-development.

So how do you unlock the mystery of self-judgment? Well, you can’t will your way there by repeating compelling affirmations. No matter how true they are on the surface, if you unconsciously doubt them you’ll just send conflicting currents of energy and the Universe will not understand what you truly want.

The only way to stop judging and start appreciating yourself is to use compassionate inquiry to first surface your misconceptions so you can feel the same energy that you ran from as a child. Begin by asking this question and feeling what comes up for you.

“What am I hiding that I’ve not been willing to see?”

Ask that. Feel your intuitive response and magically the golden light of life will eventually stream into your being.

In the meantime, robustly sing and feel a song of delight with a chorus of, “Everything always works out for me!”